Father's Day is not all it's cracked up to be. Gentry's dad in residence takes a  swipe at a woeful celebration… and gets suckered in!

It's not easy being a father. You're not as soft, friendly or as consistent a source of nourishment as your partner. It's never you in the Pampers ads. It's never you in the nursery rhymes. Yet there you are, goggle-eyed, staring down at the flesh-teddy you somehow created. You're overjoyed and exhausted. Exhilarated and knackered. No, it's not easy being a father. 

But there are advantages, too. Should the scamp ever be scolded by their mother, you will soon become the port in the storm, a preferable and uncomplicated alternative with an open arms policy regarding refugees from the maternal homeland. Things begin to look up, too when said child needs advice: your monosyllabic inarticulation may sound profoundly crude to your peers but to a child your clipped responses give the nugget of wise direction they require.

Feats of strength are also a simple, natural source of awe to young children. simply picking them up or carrying them with ease leaves you on a par with the Hulk in their wide eyes. You soon realise that children are easily impressed and, lacking any sophisticated talents, this works fine for you. Nonetheless, raising a child can be a tiring pursuit. There are always things to annoyingly eco-friendly nappies to scrape, bottles to sterilise, arses to wipe, stains to scrub and aeroplanes to imitate.

Oh, and if you have any ambitions to continue what may resemble the normal life of an adult male, there's that to impossibly squeeze in to your trench-like daily regime. All is not lost, however, there's hope in sight. On just one day a year father's are honoured like those fallen in great battles and have an entire 24 hours dedicated to them.

This commercially propelled respite (June 15th) might involve an ill-prepared breakfast, unwanted gifts and generally a winsome experience all round. Alternatively, the man should be indulged in a manner he is unaccostomed to. For example, Murdock are offering a special gift certificate for Father's Day , consisting of a traditional D R Harris wet shave, a mini facial and a shoe shine followed by a glass of Whiskey at Murdock Shoreditch or Murdock at Liberty. It's a winning combination that will leave you feeling recharged and ready for another year's hard labour. But would you have it any other way?

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